Conflicts of a Soul
by D. Eldsoldier
Summary: Revan is acuused of having too much strong emotions and called to a private meeting with the Masters and Bastila. What will this meeting lead to? KotoR fanfic, and my very first. R&R if possible.
1. Chapter 1: Too Much Emotions?

Emptiness surrounded him.

Even in this room, Revan could feel the emptiness surrounding him. No one from the council was surrounded by auras of emotion. "Keepin' calm as ever don't you Masters?" Revan thought. He knew he sat in a room full of plants and furniture and Jedi, yet stil there was nothing. No signs of life from the masters. As if they were droids.

"Jedi Knight Dena Strahanm," Master Vrook began, "you know why you have been brought here. You know what you are accused with. Have you anything to say in your defense?"

Revan didn't like it. They called him 'Dena' again. He thought that he made clear that name was forever in the past. The Dark Lord was dead for good, however, Revan was not. He knew what he was accused with. Having too much emotions. That was no good. "You should let all your emotions and stay as calm and strict droids, just like we are. Yeah, like I listen to that bullshit!" Revan thought. He knew what the Masters saw. A red glow, surrounded with anger and disrespect, covering Revan entirely. Masters wouldn't like it. Like he cared. Like he even gived a damn! He, however, felt a new presence.

Bastila.

Bastila Shan has been a pain in the ass since she was rescued from the Vulkars –couldn't she just once accept the fact that she was rescued?- but a pain in the ass Dena enjoyed being with. All those jokes he made, all those 'I've feelings for you, but I'll be damned if I admit them"s of hers, her giving lectures about the dark side and him making fun of it, her red face when she is angry or shy, her smile...

The kiss.

He tried to refocus his thoughts. "Yes, I have. Thank you, Masters." He felt his aura slowly calmin down, turning from flame red to a pleasant blue –calmness. "First of all, I would like to relate some events to you, -my moments on the Star Forge. I believe that those moments would be important in this case."

"Permission given. Please go on," said Master Dorak.

_The Star Forge._

_Even from there Revan could feel the darkness bursting from it. The power. The hatred. The lust for Revenge. Malak. Bastila. _

_After the endless seas of that uncharted-in-all-the-maps world, and having no one to talk to but Mission and Carth, meaning a civilised chat, not the war stories of Canderous, the melancholy of Juhani, or the ramblings of the old kid. He had to find someone to talk to, someone to trust to, someone to open up to..._

_Someone skilled enough to slay him._

_He knew now that Bastila had fallen, the only woman he could ever love was now his enemy, and through the bond, he could feel the darkness trying to find a way back, to use his power once more. That's why he needed a trusted blade or a good blaster with them. HK-47 and Teethree wouldn't do it because of their programming, neither would Zaalbar or Canderous because of their foolish honor, and cat woman or old kid was just "too Jedi" to end his life. He felt her coming that moment. No matter how hard she tried, she could never be that sneaky._

"_You wanna talk about something, Missy?" That would get her mad. "You glow like a ship's thrusters. Literally speaking, from my point of view."_

"_Do _you_ wanna talk? I just thought after all that happened... You know, it must be hard for you. When Griff betrayed me –I mean, when I learned that he had betrayed me-, I almost felt the same way."_

"_You may be right." She didn't know half of it. She couldn't understand what storms raged within him, what conflicts did he come to, love... She was just a kid, although Revan would never dare and say it to her face. He knew that Mission could be a dangerous opponent when provoked. He sighed. "Did you ever feel that your life would never be the same, Mission? Did you seriously believe that your life was crumbling all around you, that it was damaged irrepairably?"_

"_Yeah, when I first lost a Pazaak game, but you learn to live with that." Revan smiled. How, he didn't know, but after Bastila, she was the closest to bring joy to his life. "Get up and shake off your sadness. Star Forge in three minutes. We don't want a sad Dena following us down there, right?" He laid down, thinking what he would do if he would meet Bastila down there..._

..._Here he was, standing alone, Carth and Mission behind the door, and she, with all her beauty, sanding in front of him._

"_I don't want to hurt you. Bastila, try to listen. I know that..." Two lightsabers clashed in the air, creating a sudden flash between Bastila's red lightsaber and Revan's cyan one. They were like dancing rather than fighting, a dance between two partners used to each others' style, with only defenses and counter-defenses, never a blow being landed. He felt that the battle could last forever and used the Force to knock her down, at the last moment slowing her fall. Then he sat, meditating, waiting for the final blow to come. It never came._

"_Why are you doing this? Why are you not fighting? Why? What difference do you think you can make?"_

"_I don't think anymore," Revan responded, "I don't think that nothing can ever help me, if I've lost you. I just want to die peacefully, knowing it was you hand, not any other that had killed me. I just want to know that I died trying to do something, even if only by sitting on the ground. I just want to know that you had a choice, and you used it."_

"_What choice?" Bastila asked, surprised._

"_That you could choose to be redeemed, for something or another."_

"_What could possibly redeem me? It took the entire Jedi Council _and_ a mind wipe to redeem you."_

"_Something much more simple. Love. Seek it, Bastila. Seek it in your heart. I know that you will find it. I love you, Bastila. I know you love me, too. If, however, I'm wrong, then kill me. At least that you will kill me knowing it." He closed his eyes and waited for the familiar voice of her saber._

_Not the voice of the saber falling to the ground._

"_Welcome back, Bastila," he muttered._

After relating the battle with Malak and his final words, he remained silent.

Along with all the Masters before him.

"Too much emotions?" Revan asked, after a couple of ten minutes' silence. "It is because of my emotions that I didn't give up fighting. It is because of my emotions that I learned to stay calm. Fear, anger, love. It is because of them that Malak is dead! It is because of them that the Star Forge is nothing but space dust!" He was angry now, and didn't care if he shone with an aura that is filled with anger never seen by the Masters before. He pointed to Bastila. "It is because of them that Bastila Shan is still an alive member of our Order!

"Too much emotions, you say? I say to hell with your rules and prohibitions!" The Masters couldn't say a word.

"If you have no more to say, court dismissed." He walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.


	2. Chapter 2: Bastila and Revan, Past and N...

Revan kept walking down the corridors of the Enclave. It was a big enclave. He should know beter, since it was him who had suggested the place as the new sanctuary for the Council. No non-Force sensitive could enter the temple, and it brought to his mind one of his more... intense memories. He knew the temple far too well, and even after it was renewed to allow more space and more life, he could easily find his way in this place, which was a labyrinth to many others. "The Force is too powerful here," he said. "But not enough to cover your presence." The woman looked at him. He could feel her, even here. Why did she not grow in power that much?

"You didn't have the right to please yourself out the meeting, you know. The Masters could punish you." Bastila said. Like they weren't going to, she thought. She knew that Revan was right. But she also felt that she needed to control your emotions and minimize them to stay on the light path. The Masters weren't the one who put those rules. They were not to blame for the rules.

"I didn't. But it would go too far if I waited for them to speak. So, I did what was best for their brains and my ears. See, Bas, disrespect may sometimes be a good thing. Not always, but sometimes." He knew that Bastila would find something to say against it, but he also knew that she thought he was right. Damn that bond! Doesn't leave a surprise in the love. But it also made them feel closer. Say, inseperatable. The fate had not intended to bring them together, but Bastila prepared their inevitable end. Period.

_Flashes of the past. Memories of a Dark Lord. Death._

_Revan saw himself, clad in full armor, wearing a mask on his face and a cloak on his back. How much secrecy you would need, being the Dark Lord? Did Exar Kun hide his face? No, it was unique to Revan. He alone wanted to be an enigma Why, it was something he couldn't understand after the mind wipe. He also held a red lightsaber in his end, longer than any he had seen. How could he alone be able to generate a beam that long? Maybe it was as the Masters had told him. Revan did, does and will hold enormous skill and power. It was the wielder that gave a portion of his power to the saber. So it was meant to be so._

_He also saw Bastila, Shana and another Jedi accompanying them. He was sorry that he had to be killed. If he wasn't killed, he could still serve the Order A man's thoughts couldn't change like that. Not by a mere mind wipe. Back then he had no mercy for him. Shana, too. A skilled woman, she quickly rose to the rank of Jedi Knight. Just as he once did._

_And Bastila. She was a mess from all she had been through, but the most beautiful mess Revan could ever see. She had a different lightsaber then. A single, yellow lightsaber. Surrounded by an aura of hatred and fear, far from her aura when she sees Revan now. Also two dead Sith were lying on the ground. One was an officer which he choked to death. The other was a Dark Jedi that Bastila killed herself. She fought not gracefully, but effective. _

"_Join me, Jedi. Your powers are too valuable to be wasted on the light path. Join me and serve the emperor of the galaxy, not an Order that is soon to be wiped from the face of the galaxy!" _

"_You are wrong, Revan. The Order will not fall, neither will the Republic. I shall rather die than serve the darkness!" Typical Bastila. Stubborn, fiery, beautiful. She hasn't changed a bit since then. Except that now she has tasted the darkness in her soul, she knows that she _can_ serve the dark side. "You were wrong Bas," Revan thought. _

"_Then you shall die a pathetic and ignoble death!" Revan shouted. _

"_You cannot win, Revan!"_

_Revan started swinging his saber, just to show them what they will be facing. But his focus had missed something. Betrayal._

_Suddenly he heard laser cannons shooting streams of red beams. At _his _ship! Malak wouldn't dare act that early. It seemed that Revan had underestimated his apprentice. He swore he would pay him back, at that moment. _

_It is said that a man reaches omniscience at death. Revan felt that was true. He had missed the true power in his ends. He had also undersood that destroying the Jedi Order would also mean the end of the Sith. But he wouldn't have time to think about it any longer. _

_Sudden flash of light. Total darkness._

_Bastila, somewhat stunned by the blast, had crawled up to Revan's body. She removed the mask, slowly. What she saw was nothing one would expect from the Dark Lord. A man, aged about 25, with Brown hair and a very pretty face. Well, only if he didn't have blood veins all over his face. She felt life in Revan. Small, but large enough to give Bastila hope. She called upon the force to restore life to the man. At that moment, which felt like hours, Bastila drew all the power that universe could spare her. "Breathe, Revan. Just breathe." Bastila said. All the pressure on her nearly ended her life as well. But to hear a cough made all that worth it. "Welcome back, Revan," Bas thought._

"You know what they are prepared for? Banishment! Banishment from the Order! Why? Only because I saved their asses and preserved the Republic! Only because how I have done it! There _is_ emotion, and that is what seperates us from lifeless puppets!" Revan felt rage burning in him. So did Bastila. He felt the darkness trying to enter in his mind, again enslaving him. He vanished it quickly, and regained his calmness. "No one is perfect, Bas, and it's even more impossible to become the perfect Jedi. Do you think the Masters are perfect Jedis? Do you think anyone will be?"

Bastila looked at him. He stood there, just like he laid on the ground at his flagship a year and a half into the past. With brown hair and dark eyes, a well-built body, he was the best men she ever met. But sometimes, he could get just way too stubborn. Why couldn't he just accept that Masters are the best Jedis alive at the time being?

Because they weren't.

The answer came quickly to her mind, not something she would accept, actually. Why did she think of it, she had no idea, but that thought was new. Many new things would come in the future, but she didn't know nothing yet. "So, what are you going to do now?" Bastila asked.

"Go to the Ebon Hawk and tell Mission not to take my second-best beauty for a joyride."

"You're not coming?"

"No. I still have an unfinished court with the 'perfect' Masters. Don't expect me coming tonight either. I have to think about something that I don't want even you to hear, and wathcing the sunset and the sunrise are the best ways to clear my mind."

"Got any message for the others?"

"Tell HK-47 to meet me at the Rakatan camp. I have something to do, and I need only him. _Don't_ think of coming. I don't want you to be hurt, but what will happen my hurt you very deeply." He walked away now, returning to the meeting. "Revan... You're one strange man" Bastila said.

Through the dark halls of the Enclave, someone was watching, and waiting.


End file.
